Helping Kids Manage Big Emotions

The following is provided by the Texas A&M Institute for Early Childhood Development & Education

Talking openly about emotions teaches kids that big feelings–like fear, anger, or anxiety–are normal, nameable, and manageable. There are moments everyday where you can support your child’s emotional development by talking about emotions, modeling healthy ways to express big emotions, and validating your child’s feelings.

Build Emotional Vocabulary

You can help your child name their emotions by building a “feelings vocabulary.” Throughout the day, use emotion words, saying things like “You look excited!” or “Are you frustrated?” When children hear emotion words used aloud often, they learn how to identify their emotions and that those emotions are normal and can be talked about.

Model Emotional Expression

Children learn skills by watching and listening to adults around them. The same is true for learning emotions! You can support your child’s emotional development by expressing your feelings in a healthy way. For example, you could say “I felt nervous when we were running late on the way to school this morning, but I took a deep breath and got us ready to go anyway.” By modeling your feelings, and your support strategy, you’re teaching your child that adults have big feelings too and that we can handle them calmly and respectfully.

Validate Feelings

When children feel understood and listened to, they often calm down faster when upset and learn that emotions are important to talk about. It can be easy to say, “You’re fine,” but we should try to acknowledge what they’re feeling instead. This could look like saying “I see that you’re upset that playtime ended. I get that it’s hard to stop playing when you’re having fun.” Validating your child’s feelings doesn’t mean agreeing with their behavior, it simply lets your child know that they can talk about their feelings and that their feelings make sense. Once they feel heard, you can start working towards positive solutions. You can follow up this conversation with, “It is still time to clean up because we are ready for dinner.”

By doing these three things, you can support your child’s emotional development by teaching them that feelings are important and worth talking about, even when the emotions are overwhelming or seem too big to handle.

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